STILL BELIEVERS, STILL LEFT OUT: Being Gay and Catholic in 2025
BY MILANO MQ.
I grew up Catholic and have always had faith. My religion was deeply important to my parents and grandparents. It’s not just in a tick-box “religion on a form” kind of way but deeply. It’s in my childhood memories, school assemblies, Sunday mornings in itchy clothes and the smell of candles at family weddings and funerals. My first Holy Communion felt like a rite of passage, not just spiritually but culturally. It meant something. It still does.
That’s what makes this so hard.
My partner and I are both Catholic. We’re also both men. And we love each other. We want to get married in the eyes of God, in the church that shaped us. But we can’t. Not because we’re not committed. Not because we don’t share the faith. But because we’re not allowed.
The Catholic Church still doesn’t recognise or perform same-sex marriages. It’s 2025 and we’re still being told gently, politely, sometimes painfully that while we’re welcome as individuals but our relationship isn’t.
We recently watched Conclave, and both of us were hooked. Beautifully done. Tense, moving. But we walked away wishing it could be real. Wishing, foolishly perhaps, that some shift could come from the top. That a Pope might finally say “Everyone is included. Fully. As they are.” We know there are priests who agree. We’ve met them. We’ve had whispered conversations. Quiet support. A squeeze of the hand. But in public, they toe the line. Because they have to.
The hardest part of this whole thing is the inner conflict. Our faith isn’t just a thing we do - it’s part of who we are. I know that’s a hard concept for some people outside the Church to get their heads around. Why not just leave? Why not find another faith or none at all? But it’s not that easy. Catholicism shaped my values, my sense of family, my understanding of love and justice. It gave me language for grief and hope. It gave me a community, but one that now only half accepts me.
There are days I think, “Maybe it would be easier if I just walked away.” I’ve tried. But then I think about my niece’s baptism. My mum crying at my brother’s wedding in church. The rhythm of Advent, the peace of a quiet church midweek. I want those things too. Not just as a guest. Not as someone whose love is seen as “less than.” I want to stand at the altar with the person I love and be recognised by our faith - not tolerated, not politely ignored but recognised.
We’re not trying to change doctrine overnight. We just want a faith that sees us fully. That includes our love in its celebration of family, not just in its footnotes about compassion.
I still believe. But it’s getting harder.
To any LGBTQ+ person of faith reading this you’re not alone in the struggle. Whether you’ve stayed, left, or somewhere in between, your relationship with belief is valid. To those in the Church who want to see change please speak up, even if it’s risky. And to the Church itself - we’re still here, still loving, still believing. It’s time you met us where we are.
— A gay Catholic, still hopeful… just about.