SOCIETY TOLD ME HOW TO LOVE - MY DEMISEXUALITY HAD OTHER PLANS

BY ROSIE N.

I often feel like I'm navigating life in a world that wasn't built for me. I'm a demisexual woman, a term that's part of the asexual spectrum, and it's something that many people don't quite understand. Demisexuality means I only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone. It's not something I chose, it's just how I am, but explaining it to others is an ongoing challenge.

From family gatherings to nights out with friends, the pressure is relentless. "Why haven't you found someone yet?" "Don't you want to settle down?" "Isn't it time you thought about having children?" These questions, always well-meaning but loaded with assumptions, make me feel like there's something inherently wrong with me. In their eyes, I'm missing out on the quintessential milestones: marriage, children, the suburban house, the car in the garage.

But those things don't appeal to me. I don't want the 2 up 2 down house or the conventional life path. I crave my own journey, one that allows me to explore who I am without the constraints of societal expectations. When I was younger, I had a boyfriend and even lived with him for a while. I played the dutiful girlfriend, doing all the things that were expected of me, but inside I felt bored and lonely. I was following a script that didn't resonate with my true self.

Sexuality is a vast spectrum, encompassing more than just heteronormative norms. There are so many different identities: asexual, demisexual, bisexual, pansexual, and more. Each one is valid and enriches the tapestry of our experiences. Just because someone doesn't fit into the traditional mould doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. Our differences make life more interesting and diverse.

For me, sexual attraction is not a given. It develops slowly, and only if I form a deep emotional bond with someone. This isn't a choice or a phase; it's a fundamental part of who I am. Yet, society's relentless focus on romance and physical attraction makes it hard for people like me to feel accepted. The media bombards us with images and stories of instant attraction and whirlwind romances, which only adds to the feeling of being out of place. 

I don't want to be controlled by the pressure of society. I want to live my life on my terms, free from the expectation that I need a partner to be complete. I want to explore my passions, build meaningful relationships, and create a life that feels true to who I am. That doesn't necessarily include marriage or children, and that's okay.

It's time for society to broaden its understanding of sexuality and relationships. Not everyone fits into the traditional narrative, and that's something to be celebrated, not fixed. By embracing our differences, we can create a more inclusive world where everyone feels seen and valued.

So next time someone asks why I'm not following the conventional path, I'll smile and explain that I'm carving out my own. It's a path that honours my demisexuality and my desire for a life that's authentically mine. Because in the end, the only person I need to please is myself.